My No Good Very Bad News

There’s really no way to sugar-coat this so…My breast cancer is back. Mine is a regional recurrence, having returned in a lymph node near my original cancer. My CT was stable, no evidence of it spreading so far, thank God. I will start chemo soon and meet with the surgeon too. I have a chance and I’m not giving up. I beat it once. I can beat it again. I can try.

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times—I, not my circumstances, determine my happiness. Right now, life is good. I’m not in any pain. I’m tired, but I can still do the things I loved before this diagnosis. I don’t expect that to change until chemo sinks its claws into me. Then, yeah, life will become actively terrible, but cancer teaches you to live in the now. My today is pretty good. Tomorrow—which none of us are guaranteed anyway—will take care of itself. On the bright side, this ain’t my first rodeo. I know what I’m in for, how I’m likely to respond to treatment, and what I can do to cope.

What does all this mean going forward?

I was finishing a book when things went wrong for me (again) and it’s in production now, ought to be releasing in the next few days. (Many, many heartfelt thanks to everyone on my production team who moved me to the head of line so I could get this book out before chemo addles my brains, LOL.) Two Fates will probably be my last book for a long, long while. Chemobrain hit hard and fast last time so I anticipate my brain turning to pudding very soon. The odds I’ll be able to continue working while I’m in treatment are slim to nonexistent. At least I can get Two Fates out first.

Prayers, positive thoughts/energy are always welcome and appreciated. My husband and children, understandably, are taking this pretty hard. Pray for them too. If you’ve a mind, send me a pm if you see me online or email if you don’t to check on me from time to time—You’d be surprised how much a simple “thinking of you” gives an otherwise hideous day a boost.

And book recommendations! I need them lots. I don’t know if you guys know this, but when you’re in chemo, each treatment is like 5-7 hours. No kidding. Which says nothing of each treatment’s bad day (judging by prior experience, likely to be my day 3) when I don’t do much if at all possible. I need good books to help keep me occupied. Scifi titles you’ve loved would be great, but also fantasy and paranormal—shifters, vamps, and anything dystopian, really. Also mysteries. KU, non-KU, either is fine. If it’s any rule of measure on my likes and preferences, I’m currently reading Megan Derr’s Midnight from her Dance with the Devil series as well as rereading Twisted Hilarity’s The Last Pure Human and I’m enjoying both immensely. Wait, bad example. Neither one of those are KU books. Whatever. You know what I mean.

Otherwise… Don’t give up on me. My oncologist is cautiously optimistic. I’m not done yet. I’m going to fight this and live my best life while I do. Because fuck cancer, that’s why.

All my love,

Kari