Very soon, I will pack up the kiddos for the always-less-than-wise Thanksgiving trek to my folks’ in the more rural and isolated parts of WV. A land that should require a passport, travel warnings from the U.N. and extra shots. I will fix my parent’s computer. Again. (Dad, please stop downloading free porn.) Being that it still hasn’t sunk in with my family that my husband is in law enforcement after ten years, I’ll tra-la-la my way through the criminal elements offering me stolen property (yes, our chain saw is dead; no, I don’t want your…ahem…”found” one) or drugs (newsflash: this isn’t CA and more significantly, you don’t have cancer). When my dear brother (who is juggling 3 women, not including his idiot wife) looks at me like I’m trash? My incredulous snort will not echo. And I’ll try not to cringe too much at the assorted weaponry that guarantees my kin’s safety in the event of zombie plague.
I have a cousin who hits on me every year, without fail. He is a first cousin, has no discernible teeth and apparently views bathing as a shifty, suspect thing. That? Funny.
“They found what in the cemetery and why in the name of God were they digging there?”
Items to pause & reflect upon: duct tape sculpture, lawn tractors as family vehicles, and alcoholic beverages poured from re-purposed 2 liter soda bottles.
So this year, I am exceedingly grateful for my family. The entertainment value alone…You just can’t make this crap up.
Nutty relatives. Everybody’s got at least one and the absurd tends to take center stage during the holidays. So what’s your favorite “my family is nuckng futs” story? If anyone’s brave enough to share in comments below, I’ll do a drawing for the funniest or most bizarre story, winner to receive his/her book of choice (limit of $15) from Amazon (direct gift to Kindle) or ARe when I return from the land of Dubious Internet Connections.
Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!
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