I lied

Apparently, I am for sale — just not on sale, way important distinction — this Sunday, 3:00-5:00 p.m. EST! Deets:

On May 1st, Noble Romance launches its brand new website! That day we’ll hold an all day party, right here in our chat room. Meet the authors for chats where they will hold contests, chat about their books and give out fabulous prizes.

Our chat schedule for May 1st, all times EST:
2:00-3:00 PM – Mary Abshire and David Kentner
3:00-5:00 PM – Aleks Voinov, Rachel Haimowitz and Kari Gregg
5:00-7:00 PM – Margie Church, Allure Van Sanz, J.S. Wayne and K.B. Cutter
7:00-8:00 PM – Jess Anastasi and Billie Jean
8:00-9:00 PM – H.C. Brown and Stormy Glenn

Rachel, Aleks and I are planning massive quantities of absurdity–and lots of wicked cool goodies to give away!–for our 3:00-5:00 p.m. EST time slot. You don’t have to wait til Sunday to start the fun, though. Want to bid on Aleks? Take a picture (or find an image online) of what you would give up to win the stellar specimen of writerly brilliance that is Aleksandr Voinov. Would you trade your car? Your husband? Your vacation in Key West? (Key West is too damn hot in August, anyway, right?) Tweet @RachelHaimowitz with your picture of what you would be willing to trade to own your very own Aleksandr Voinov with the #slave4sale hashtag by the time our chat starts on Sunday at 3:00 p.m. EST when one lucky winner will be chosen. Please note: you must actually own what you’re willing to trade for Aleks. Or at least be willing to steal it. 😉

Want to bid on moi? Of course you do! Rachel Haimowitz, that wretch, is taking bids on yours truly…in pennies. (Have I mentioned that Rachel is evil and must be destroyed? Just sayin.) So far, I think the bidding is up to 7,500 pennies ($75) — good God. No way am I being sold into servitude for seventy-five lousy bucks. Sheesh, I paid more for my last speeding ticket! Compadres, let’s pause for a moment to reflect on my worth-way-higher-than-$75 qualities:

Kari Gregg (that’s me!) is a multi-published, bestselling author who is 39 Again and in excellent health. She is obviously bursting with awesome as demonstrated by her charm, her wit and an extremely tacky collection of cow crap…uh, I mean decorations! (Cowprint curtains anyone? Redneck Kitchens R Us.) Kari can speak fluent Beavis, occasional English and French salted with that extra speshul twang that makes conversations with any human being outside the Appalachians an exciting adventure!

As a writer, Kari is extremely versatile, writing M/F, menage, and M/M fantasy, contemporaries and paranormals. Her Spoils of War spent TWELVE weeks on the Kindle Gay & Lesbian Top 100 list (WOOT!) and was a Top Seller at ARe while both Lovely Wicked and What Rough Beast were selected at The Romance Reviews as Top Picks, not to mention Lovely Wicked‘s nomination as Best Non-Traditional Romance of 2010 (in which she naturally stomped Rachel Haimowitz’s Belonging: Anchored into the dirt).

In her personal life, Kari’s compassion is best exemplified in her tireless work to feed the poor via the food pantry she runs as part of her day job–Kari’s food pantry fed over 500 people last year! (501 if you count Kari.) An avid reader, Kari also enjoys crafts (knit, crotchet, applique quilting), hiking and Farmville.

Don’t let this fine example of writerly excellence get away! Crack open your piggy bank to place your bid by Sunday, May 1st, 3:00 p.m. EST, or bid on Kari during the live chat to win your very own Kari Gregg today!

To bid on my most excellent self and prod me into Throes of Excessive Giddy before the chat (dig me out of my 7,500 penny Pit of Despair now now now now now now), tweet @RachelHaimowitz with the #slave4sale hashtag by Sunday, 3:00 p.m. when our chat starts.

To join in the fun with our chat (and get in your last-minute bid, Bid, BID on yours truly!), you’ll need to join the Noble Romance yahoo group and click on the chat button on Sunday.

*Legal notice: This is all just in good fun. We don’t really want your pennies or your timeshare/husband (although I’m sure he’s very nice). And sadly since slavery is still illegal, winning bidders will receive in lieu of Kari & Aleks, choice of their respective backlists, though an “I Own Aleks/Kari” website badge is certainly within the realm of possibility — IF YOU BID ON KARI RIGHT FRICKING NOW. [/bidslut]